Ian and Obie were both baptized Catholic. Patricia and I didn't really discuss getting Eli baptized Catholic but I always assumed we would. I guess it goes with the territory when you marry a Catholic girl and you agree to raise your children in the Catholic Church. I think the problem, for me, ended up being the timing and the overall ramifications. Patricia only mentioned it to me the other day. They have a priest who comes to the hospital to visit with the patients and their parents who was willing to perform the baptism for us. She set it up for 3:00pm on Saturday afternoon.
Yesterday, when it came time for the baptism, I found myself reluctant to participate. I don't think I could even explain why at the time. I've had a little time to reflect on it now so I think I understand my motivation or, call it, lack of motivation, regarding my participation in the baptism. At that appointed time I found myself lagging behind. I didn't actually show up until 3:30pm. I was hoping it would simply be over by the time I got there. I'm sure Patricia was furious with me for being late but I couldn't face the prospect of being part of the baptism. Ultimately they did wait and I did participate but it wasn't the same for me as it was with Ian and Obie.
After a day of reflection I think I've come to grips with why I was late. In most Christian religions baptism is seen as a necessary precursor to salvation. Salvation is the concept that God, through his divine providence, is saving us from spiritual death by providing us with eternal life after death. In essence, baptizing Eli means we're preparing Eli for death by saving his spirit. Most baptisms are joyous events carried out during good times with family and friends close by. When they are done at the side of your child's bed in the middle of the hospital you can't help but feel like you're taking the first step toward accepting your child's inevitable death.
I'm not ready to admit to myself that there's even the possibility that Eli might die. I simply cannot wrap my mind around it. Patricia told the priest she was; "very relieved" after Eli was baptized. Maybe she's reached a level of acceptance regarding Eli's mortality that I'll never be able to reach. I know I won't be relieved until he's at home and playing happily with his two brothers. Saving his soul just isn't enough for me. While I'm happy that he's taken the first steps toward salvation, I'm going to claim my right as a parent to hold onto my little boy as long as I can.
I would also like to make a special note regarding the passing of our friend Kathleen's Mom this past Friday morning. Kathleen has been a dear friend to both of us for many years going back to the early days of Shurgard where we all met. Through Kathleen we were blessed to get to know Nance. Nance was a wonderful and loving person. She had many amazing talents but the one I appreciated most was her ability to cook. She could make an absolutely amazing artichoke dip that was always a hit at Kathleen's parties. Nance had been battling cancer for a long time. She had been in and out of remission several times during the last few years but the cancer just kept coming back. While it's always hard to say goodbye, we know Nance has found an end to suffering and we know she's in a better place. Our thoughts and prayers are with Kathleen, her brother, and her sister as they cope with their loss.
Obie is such a character!
ReplyDeleteYou are all constantly in my prayers.
Mere